These last years have been bumpy to say the least. I ve opened up about it. What s funny is that when I look back, I started these years in this mirage of the fashion girl, living the high life (dumb expression). Truth is, after a few years of exploring that world, I became miserable and I felt very far from myself.
Except I had no idea of who I was.
So I tried to stay the person I knew. Even if I was agonizing.
That s when life starting getting hard, and harder, brutalizing me into letting go of that old self I was so attached to.
In 2018, it came crumbling down - until finally, a flower started growing again on the ashes.
When I see this photo, shot by my sister, who was there every moment even when she didn t get what the fuck I was doing, when I see myself with no make up, wearing whatever clothes... When I see myself feeling so at home in nature - me who ended up being so crushed by the buildings of NYC... When I see this photo of me, here in Corsica where I grew up learning to chat (like literally have conversations) with nature... When I see it I can hear my sister saying sit here - I have to take a photo, look at this, it s the Tree of Life and i thought of the medal engraved of a Tree of Life I am wearing that I bought in a church store when I was so sad I sat and prayed... When I see it I remember when, a few months ago, I made the promise to myself to live in my truth whatever the consequences.
And life started flowing again.
When I see it, I wouldn t change anything. I want to thank 2018 (17, 16) for the lessons.
And thank the woman I was, who did nothing but her best - and is still here inside (and still wants to steal my sister s Balenciaga sneakers). In this moment, to me, nature, quiet and conversing with the trees is essential.
Might be completely different to you.
Allow yourself to love what you love, grow, fuck up, and to change, even if the world around you resists it. People will always judge. Change is hard, but it is wonderful - ask the butterflies!
And have a wonderful last few hours of 2018 - in France we don t say HNY before it s the New Year so I ll be back for that
Ok love you I talk to much bye